|MONEY DON'T GROW ON TREES|

As graduation and exams are coming near, so are the "what would you want to be when you grow up?" questions actually matters. When you were a child, about 7 maybe? Remember your parents or teachers or aunts or uncles or grandparents would ask "sonny, what do YOU want to be when you grow up?" I remembered I wanted to be a singer like Hilary Duff and Britney Spears. You know center of the stage, sing in front of audiences and fame, and the adults would just say "aww that's cute you WILL be a singer when you grow up"
.....no you won't.

I realized when you were young they won't tell you that your dreams aren't unachievable, maybe some would but no one ever taught me that me, a now sixteen year old indonesian with a broken accent, no 'tv face' nor personality nor a gift of singing, that my dreams were nearly impossible. Possible, be open minded now nothing is 'impossible' but no it won't happen.
I'm rethinking what my interests are now, what do I want to spend my young life learning about, what career path should I choose? And with that I have to also think: would my parents be okay of me choosing this path? Am I disappointing them? (yeah probably). Would I be good at this? Would it help me in the future, financially?
So far I have a list of majors/paths/area that I have thought about, yet of course being the pessimist teenage girl I am I debate with myself:

• Filmmaking, yes I want to be the next Sofia Coppola or Steven Spielberg: erm yeaah I could be a filmmaker, an unsuccessful independent filmmaker that would never (just ever) make it in Hollywood.
• Illustrator, I like making randoms posters and broaden my mind in the art area using new technology: okay I can do a degree in that but... then what?
• Event Organizing, developing the next Glastonbury-like music festival: For one I don't have a very good personality with people, two I don't know anything about business and three what if instead of developing 'the next Glastonbury-like music festival' I create a 'annual suburban park picnic'?
• Media, maybe journalism or tv reporter: ...you've been reading my blog, I have a gazzilion grammatical errors. Hell I'm failing my English Standard course right now how the fuck am I supposed to be a journalist? And a TV reporter? Maybe as a camera crew yeah, I don't exactly have the television look.
• Radio Broadcaster: I went to a radio office a couple of weeks ago and it did interests me, working around the music area, entertaining etc. But let's be frank, who still listens to the radio? People in the car, and sometimes they don't have the choice to. I personally don't listen to the radio because I don't like most of the 'mainstream music' they play, would I be a hypocrite? A major one yes. Also, my accent fucking sucks.
  
• Photography, something I actually enjoy and do in my spare time: Again let's be frank, anyone can be a photographer. Question is, can I be a great photographer like Annie Leibovitz? but how? The profession would be a gamble really, and with new camera equipments that costs a lot of kaching how would I afford food when I start to become an amateur photographer? And make it to be the next Leibovitz? I tell myself "it ain't 1967 anymore kid, everyone's a 'photographer' these days"

One of Spears' song got me thinking, two kinds of people in this world (well obviously there are more but the song doesn't go like that), the observer and the entertainer. I can't even choose between that. Technically everyone is an observer, but you got to have some balls to an entertainer. You got to have even more balls too be a great entertainer and frankly I don't have any damn balls.
In the wise word of an American television character from 'Supernatural' often say:
"balls!"